Ever learning. Always failing. Forever weak. Yet eternally saved. From a price to pay. Which I could and can not afford. Learning to live life. Learning to love life. Growing into shoes larger than my own. Finding meaning in Your name. Love and peace.
There are many things wrong with us. The strangest thing is that God designed us to be perfect in His eyes, yet we are subjected to parading wherever we go with these fake masks of mediocrity, impartiality and a pleasant demeanour.
Unfortunately, I SUCK at pretending to be ok. I hate pretending that everything is fine. It's shallow, it's a lie to myself and I need to show that I don't agree with something. It doesn't justify any irrational actions done in the heat of the moment. But I definitely don't hide it when I am upset at something/someone.
I hate it when people let me down, or when you place your trust within and individual, just to have them turn around and fail you. Again. And again.
I hate forgiving someone, but having to bear that person's bitterness and anger towards you whilst holding any recrimination and rebuke firmly behind your gritted teeth.
I hate it when people bitch about you in FRONT of you and drag you down into this box, thinking that you are "immature", "incapable", "weird". I hate these labels and this stereotype of mould.
I hate bitterness and the way it grinds you down the more you try to run from it...and the more you get close, the more you are sucked into this empty feeling.
I hate a lot of stuff.
But I love it when Jesus covers all of that for us.
I love it when God reminded Paul and reminded us that his grace is sufficient for us.
I love it when we are reminded by Yahweh Himself that we are so weak and brittle, but on eagles wings we will soar because of the hope we have in Him.
I love it when I learn how to see the beauty in people, rather than attack the mouldy, dark bits that confront me whenever I am close to them.
I love it that my relationship with God is never interrupted by other people and if it is, God WANTS to solve it, rather than let it slide for a bit...
I love God for creating perfect humans, who break themselves, yet fixes us up again for whatever fault we have fabricated. We're not broken. We're not useless and without aim. We don't have only a single goal to achieve before our expiry date. We have an eternal life with this fixer, redeemer and lover after this mess.
I love the fact that God loves me.
Class adjourned. You may go home now. Remember to re read John 3:16 again, children! Learn that God loves you all the time!
Sorry. The mind spoke aloud.
So yeah. I love that Jesus loves me. Even if I do have a mole in between my fingers!
Today was the first time that I was encouraged by God's word in a long time, because it was so personal and so comforting.
Ezekiel 36:25-27 Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.
A prophecy by Ezekiel, who spreads the message that God will repair the damage done in us. When we will no longer suffer from Adam and Eve's mistakes, but be reconciled with God through Jesus Christ. His Spirit will dwell in us and we will be refreshed, keeping to His commandments and obeying His will.
I was encouraged simply because I've felt so dry for a while. The works have become greater than my faith and I have high expectations of everything and everyone. My perspective became skewed and I was struggling to keep myself together. But God reminded me today that He gave me His spirit, so that I don't have to struggle alone. When I need advice or need console, I can look to Yahweh, my maker, creater and lover.
But I have to stay in His presence, so that His promises would come to me. I have to seek His Kingdom, before I can receive the benefits. It doesn't always just fall into my lap, as if deserved. Rather, it is God's grace that we can be in His presence and in His Kingdom.
Please forgive me for how I think and how I have reacted. Please put back my heart.
Because my head hurts and I don't really know anymore. I'm in the eye of the hurricane, where only a nudge and I'll be ripped me into the vortex of life. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for looking down on all those people I have looked down on. I apologize for pride, which never left the door. I'm sorry for deceit. I want to lay a lot at Your feet.
I have these words ringing in my ears. Please make it stop.
This line is so blurred. Happiness, this "feeling" within our "consciousness", which manifests in biophysical reactions, the wrinkles in my eyes and the indents of our cheeks when we laugh and produce these strangely amiable sounds. And then all of a sudden, when we lose focus on the sight of our joy, we are quickly habitualised and happiness suddenly blurs into sorrow.
Then I hide back in my fortress of lies, where I am the centre of my universe. I feel You poking at my transparent veil, which I adamantly monitor and maintain daily, hourly, by the minute and second, in order to sustain reign on my life, so I know where I'm heading.
And when it crumbles, I am so, so scared. I peak outside and my eyes have a visual buffet, feasting on whatever they see and my mind crashing against my skull, trying to understand and process this new world; they bleed from overstimulation and I withdraw. Yet the image is etched in my head; Lord, You are the centre of the universe. And I'm so small here.
And things happen so fast. I still need that hand to hold. Dad gets married. I graduate. My family grows distant. I worry for my friends. I hate some people who try to get close to me. I want this, but I hate You because I can't have it. I get in a wild frenzy, stomping feet and scowls galore, posted on everyone I can shoot my gaze at. It just seems like You're so obscure and You don't know what happiness is. I want something that I want, but You never understand. I probably have a good idea of the world and what it entails, what job prospects are for me, what my best chances are, where I could go-
I gasp in shock. Where have You gone? Any one of You three around? I can't hear You. I grope around wildly in the dark.
Wait. When did it get this dark? Where am I? It feels like home...but I'm so awkward, boxed in, like I don't belong it. The space feels almost...makeshift. Anyway, I need to get out of here and see where God is.
Oh yeah...I was praying just now. I was in my place...and I lost sight of Him. I let the world get larger than He is...that was pretty dumb.
The light spears through the holes that He made in my defense...I remember now. I was scared of what I saw...and realized that I do not have the gift of foresight...neither am I omniscient and omnipotent. I can't move seas apart by my hands and even if I could, I don't know what I'd do with it. I realize the throne in my heart has the shape of my back grooved into the seat.
Lord, I know I haven't been faithful. These emotions that we- no, how about I...that I adhere to and seek, I do so just for damage limitation on them, so I know where I am. But God...you've got a harsh sense of humour. Things jumped on me. Dad gets married soon. Have I really let go of the pain?
Oh...additionally, just a minor thing...what is YOUR purpose in my life? I fear for my girlfriend, I am hugely dissatisfied with my church and I hate the majority of my friends around me. What do You want with me?
Yes, fed up is the general sentiment here...not fed up of the Lord God almighty, who was and is and is to come, made of the Father, Spirit and Son, each of whom are God in and of themselves...I am not sick of You, God. I am tired of my own life...please...take this happiness I know and make me love You more.
This happiness leaves a bitter taste in my mouth...
In my life, be lifted high. In our world, be lifted high. In our love, be lifted high.
You reign, You reign. Over everything, Lord, You reign.
God of the strong, God of the weak, God of You and God of me.
If my heart has grown cold, There Your love will unfold As You open my eyes to the works of Your hands.
If I'm reduced to nothing but a simple tool, then humble me and I will gladly accept my duties as You will, since I am nothing without you.
However I am used to pave the way for future glory, whether in one place or worldwide, whether just at home or in several churches...I gladly lap up whatever calling you throw in my arms.
Teach me to learn again....Break my fall again, I lack the strength it takes to be invincible...
Is life governed by a progression of events? Of opinions and concern left, right and centre? By desire, ambition, relationships, possessions?
Rather, YOU take the helm of this ship. You steer its direction and dictate its pace...and I will obey your commands, with every breath and force of life poured out into bringing YOU glory.
Oceans will part, nations come At the whisper of Your call Hope will rise, glory shown In my life, Your will be done.
Rid me of myself, I belong to You. Lead me to the cross, where Your blood poured out.
Amazing love, now what else shall I need. Your name brings life, it's more than the air I breathe.
I give my life to honour this The love of Christ The Saviour King.
What's happened since Dad's scare incident? A few things...
God has been touching my heart these past few days. In random moments, I feel so moved by Him...a few times is when I'm just listening to some music...and when I hear Jesus' name, there is no other reaction but a spontaneous combustion of joy, pain and hope when I realize that He's a Saviour who did not deserve death. God has moved immeasurably in me...
Something that spoke to me in a quiet time was Mark 16: 4-5
But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
I get the image from The Passion Of The Christ, at the very end of the movie. He's sat on a rock, naked, with none of the bandages around Him...Jesus rose, and was waiting for the boulder to be moved. Total victory, at that very moment.
"Cause the enemy has been defeated, death couldn't hold you down. We're gonna lift our voice in victory, we're gonna make Your praises loud."
Every time God moved in me, I just broken down crying. It's the hardest thing to cover up crying when you're on a bus, you know?? But it's all good.
On Saturday night, I saw a play that my housemate's fellowship group composed, called "Manchester Story". It's a play that has stories of different people, whose lives are broken by rape, molestation, drug addiction, gang warfare, homosexuality...these stories were interwoven, but it centered around a girl's life who has had a turbulent upbringing. The point of the story was to convey that many people in Manchester, as well as other areas, live these lives in reality. We saw how God played a part in this...and the girl and her mother were saved, at the end, by God's grace and provision, in the form of the right people in contact with the main characters.
There was an altar call, where the Pastor was moving with the Spirit. 40+ were saved that night. I felt God move as I sat down in my seat, waiting for the play to get under way...That was such an awesome night.
Something that has been really stirring within me...just what am I doing for the Lord? And am I doing it right? The preacher on Sunday explained about Matthew 5:38-48...that's right, the passage about "slap, then turn your other cheek". How as christians, we can just turn the other cheek and bear it, because we have Jesus. It doesn't say be happy about it, but know that we can bear it, because we have Jesus. That told me that...no matter what's happening, if I have the Lord, I can bear it. However...it didn't completely remove the doubt. What am I doing in 6:13? It just seems that my "counseling", if my pathetic attempts can be called that, aren't what the Lord wants. It's not aligned with His will...But I got an email today. It's from the MEC (Midlands Easter Conference) prayer team, giving me the prayer points that we shall start praying for as a team. A verse that was knocked down was this:
"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."1 Corinthians 15:58.
That spoke wonders to me...That no matter what I did...as long as its for the Lord...then I can hang safely in the knowledge that, because I am equipped with the right knowledge and training, my efforts aren't in vain.
As a man...I've discovered something I know what the Lord wants for me. He wants me to become a man...a man of GOD. Not just a buff, 230 pound monster that's ripped and cares about nothing, but to care for each other...to convey love as stated scripturally...to be firm on my standards and be self controlled...to listen to His will and stay faithful to Him, day after day. It's such a blessing to do that...
And with that in mind, it looks like I have direction in my life.
Something I'm trying to bear at the moment...is my utter loneliness...I'm praying that God would provide me some friends...because unfortunately, I don't really have any friends that I can just chill with. My housemates are busy a lot of the time/I clash with them and piss them off a lot. I don't know anyone in uni except people on my course and everyone has their own niche. Even If I am friends with the youth, I have to be a mentor and role model to them. Something you could pray about...is that I would learn to rely on people more...because I'm fighting a heavy war like everyone else is...but I'm always low on ammunition...But Lord, I'm desperately hanging onto you...I'm going to cling to you, even if I'm going to have little moral support over the next few years, or the rest of my life. Even if I stay celibate and single till the end of my days. Even when I lose strength in my body to move forward...Father, I'm going to stick close to You.
Freedom from sin. Let me live in that freedom with my devotion.
It only occurred to me that I don't know what I'm doing tonight.
The TV blares The computers grumble
And I'm sat in front of a laptop, blogging.
I guess we're quite disjointed at the moment, as a family. Brother aggravates the computer, whilst Dad absorbs the noise of digital entertainment.
I have a heavy heart.
That I need to be a certain way...that I need to be moulded in a certain way...in order to fit into certain criteria as society suggests...as individuals suggests...as organisations suggests...as 6:13 dictates...suddenly, I feel so cramped. That I can't make a joke anymore. That I can't find joy in what I find joy in. The way I talk must change, because it's not enough/not expected. How I cut my hair isn't suitable or isn't acceptable. The clothes I wear aren't fashionable enough to represent church or the university. How often I spend somewhere in one time is too long. How MATURE I am; I need to be always sensible, always calm, always focused, never laughing, never joyful, never distracted, never me. I just don't know who I am anymore...who am I Jesus, if I'm supposed to be found in You, yet I'm not living up to these expectations of people, church, university, or others?
There must be more than what I know. I get the nagging feeling again...the instinctive knowledge that I'm putting God in His holy box...no matter how big or small it is, I subconsciously place Him there, due to what I have previously experienced.
Do I not have enough faith, to see big things happen? Do I need to do more? Do I need to do less? I have no idea about balance right now...in terms of learning and serving...even though both are a life long act of worship...or even any other ingredient involved in this big mix I know by "my walk with God".
I asked my Dad before "when have you seen a miracle in your life...impossible, against the odds incident?"
"Myself." he replied. "That I could come to know Him and that I am accepted, despite whatever I have done and said in the past. That He called my name three times and wants to know me and love me that much...myself. It's not about miracles. He's not bound by time, space and occassion. He works as He will. It's about the relationship."
And suddenly, the one thing I yearn so pitifully and so urgently for, was suddenly answered, in such a small way. That I could receive knowledge and wisdom from my parent. Even if it wasn't my mum, my dad is still my parent. And now I know I can approach him to ask.
And that I miss His voice. To just rest in His presence...and hear what He wants for me. I think I need to take my mind off of all the things that weigh me...my knee, my ankle, my studies, my future career, 6:13, church, how to grow, how to speak into people's lives, responding at the right times and creating the opportunities, how to speak to my family...just so many things...so overwhelming...yet, I want to just love Him more...
Sometimes...it's hard to go through life knowing that I'm saved. How am I saved?
Jesus found me. I didn't find Jesus. Jesus ran after me, when I ran away from Him. Ironic, right?
Yet, as sweet and pleasant the story is, so many people don't know of His saving Grace. Of why we "worship" and "adore" our "king". It's like...everyday, people are storing up this pain inside of them. The pain we all know too well...when you want to hide away, only to find another stash of hurt, guilt and shame from your past relationships, your past comments, your previous hate and anger...all the things that are like tailor made anchors, resting on your shoulders.
As time has passed, yes, Jesus lifts those anchors. As Nicola Li, a recent sister in Christ put it so simply, you feel "a lot lighter." Excercise not neccessary. No treadmill involved. Just faith and wanting to turn that new leaf. Yet how many people continue to run, in order to stand still...always being chased by the world. And everytime we run, everytime we think we're in complete isolation, where the only help possible available to us to either numb the pain or escape it for a short while...are drugs...sex...violence...indulgence in pleasures not holy to God...everytime we don't turn to God, it's like a stab in His heart. With a red hot iron rod...We run so far from Him. And when I mean "we", there's a whole WORLD out there, where not even a significant fraction of them know of Jesus's work on the cross.
So what can I possibly do? Me against the world. Me against Satan. There's so many people to tell, so much to explain...where do I start?
Well...to quote William Wilberson from Amazing Grace...he responds, when he is offered authority that could change the world, "I would change myself first, before I can change the world."
How true. How can we change anyone, if we ourselves are not fully changed to be like Jesus?
Let me encourage you, brothers and sisters. If you have a gift, do not look down on it, regardless of how BIG and AWESOME the world labels it, such as worship leading, guitar playing, acting or dancing. They are big ministries within the Christian world nowadays. Yes, they play big parts. But if your HEART is big...how much will you bless others? Just by pouring that coffee out...by giving them a little leaflet you made for them or a badge with their name on it, to show them they are part of your fellowship, whether it's youth group or church...laying out the chairs, even smiling and greeting them. Talking to them and showing them church isn't a place where people are devoured whole and smashed in with bibles...Let me tell you now. Preaching and worshipping are NOT the only ways to save people. God works through YOU (imagine the American Uncle Sam poster, but with God on it pointing at you and looking at you kindly). He will work through EVERYTHING you got. Bring your friends to youth group. Invite them to the fellowship you enjoy. Remember, it's GOD doing the work, not YOU on your own. Romans 8:31 says "If God is for us, who can be against you?"
If you went to yNEEC 2007, Capt1v8ed, then you will know what I mean when I say TRUST. But if you didn't, the name refers to 1 Corinthians 1:8 - "He will keep you strong til the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." That does mean that you will be a Holy Bruce Lee, smacking people with spiritual 1 inch punches and flying through the air, bringing people to Christ with your crazy Gospel skills. However, that can only happen...if you trust in God. Trust in Him, that He is working in your friends' lives, even if it's slowly. Don't think you need to be this awesome disciple who can just straight away bring people to Jesus at the click of your fingers...
Worshipping isn't picking up a guitar, smacking the drums or churning out these awesome melodies with your voice. John 4:23 - Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.
What this verse means, when Jesus said it to the Samaritan woman...was...that God isn't found in a building. He isn't JUST there when you are singing songs, or praying. God is everywhere...and we worship God, right? That verse means that we worship God everywhere...in Spirit and in Truth. The truth is found in the bible. The spirit will tell you how to act in the world, and not be PART of the world. Everything we do. Tidying up our house, saying thanks to your Mum for washing up, doing your homework neatly and on time, turning up to lessons on time, drinking coke instead of beer in the club, abstaining from drugs or smoking, keeping your eyes focused on God...by worshipping God with your BODY, you are pleasing God. And as you worship God more and more, seeking Him everyday and "knowing His will" by reading the bible and praying regularly...you will see changes in yourself. You will be "overflowing with thankfulness" for what Jesus did on that cross and for how great our God is.
Just by doing that, you will bring so many people to God. Trust me. Trust God.
No matter what your gift is. God always uses you much greater than you know...Just with your beautiful smile. Your tireless efforts behind the scenes, laying out and tidying up chairs. Organising events. Designing posters. Saying hello when new people walk in, or saying hello to the lonely people in school. Associating yourself with people no one likes. Serving out drinks and biscuits. Reading out the bible passage for that day. Tidying up. Doing homework on time. There are so many testimonies I can share with you...
There is one Angela Yau. She has a tutor. Her tutor's husband died a year ago. She was lonely and empty. Yet, with Angela ignorant of this, her tutor kept coming back, week after week willingly and anticipating it. Why? Because she enjoyed Angela's company. She enjoyed Angela's youthfulness, her smiles and giggles. She saw Jesus in Angela.
Tom Lau. He is an evangelist. He is not afraid to go up to people on buses, who he has never met and say "So. Jesus. Do you know Him?" But, what's the best thing about Tom...is how friendly and gentle he is. Just by being himself...people are drawn to him.
Steven Li. He brings his friends to 6:13 (MCCC's youth group). He just says "hey, come along to my youth group! It's well fun!" Through 6:13, his friends can see how Steven is the same as he is outside of 6:13. They are exposed to Jesus' love.
Don't look down on your gift. You are God's gift to the earth. You will go on to do so many amazing things. Show the world how much God loves them. If you were touched by this post...tell God how much you love Him.
Chewing on my tongue, in hope that the right words will come out. Crunching my mind, in hope trenchant advice will tumble out from my head. Excavating like a rookie, anticipating great treasure, desperate for hope and a glimpse of the light of an exit.
Breast Cancer strikes again in our church.
This is another rant and rave about my God.
First thoughts; "Why God?" But I guess I realised that I knew better than to ask HIM why...it mutated very quickly into "What now?" No, they haven't deserved it. No, God doesn't dish out punishment as he sees fit; those who are saved and follow our Lord JC are saved from it. Doesn't mean unfortunate things in life can't land on "Christians'" heads...what it does mean, is that we now have a long battle to face.
What words do I say? When shall I help? Do I visit often? Do I share all the time? Shall I be normal to them? What the hell IS normal?? What am I usually like??...
My head falls into itself, creases and folds again. My head and heart suddenly crash into one resounding whisper...only to trigger the next discord and battle of prevailing thoughts, benevolent, uncertain and just plain ole questions. That's what humans do. We question. An innate feature of all human minds is to formulate questions, of which the answer demands causality and comfort, or the affirmation of knowledge, when something goes awry...even when you know the answer. Do you find you do that? You ask, when you have already seen evidence, yet the mind's denial is so strong, that it will make you trace back your steps, asking the same things, for a cross reference from someone you trust or you know has reliable sources...
Apparently, treatment shall start very soon for the mother in mind. It only occurred to me at what stage it was at when we were praying; one of the doctor's of our church was talking about physical disfigurement, hair loss, physical incapacity to do what they like to do, whether that be spending time with their kids, or lacking the strength to cook for them, the inability to uphold their inner strength and force the body to convey this strength...it brought back a lot of memories. Just knowing that the children of this family have yet to see with their eyes this transformation and temporary pain, the mother fighting to regain control and stability over her new life, the father to stay strong as the head and make readjustments in the plans of the family life. Just knowing this suddenly sparked into mind...these guys need comfort. Where was I when this was happening? In my own world...letting mum fight her own battles herself...
This pain is hard to explain. One of the most heart wrenching memories I can replay word for word, repaint colour for morbid colour and cry over, is when mum was lying in bed, aching and groaning. I desperately fumbled for paracetamol, asking her if it would help. She mustered up the energy to turn it down, because she said the pain she's feeling can't be cured with simple painkillers. I was stood there in my room, with a foil packet in my hand. With an iron brand, I felt the sear of "Useless" stamped on my forehead. She was like that for the next few days.
I guess I'm going to have to stick close to God, for what He wants, and how I can help.
Trust is starting. I don't care what I have to do now. With this new situation popping up, all I'm concerned with is kicking prayer life back into gear. One of mum's memory verse cards inspired me; Proverbs 3: 5-6:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Also...the yNEEC theme verse really came to light, finally. 1 Corinthians 1:8 - And He will keep you strong to the end, so you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
As Derek informed us, that verse is about trust in the Lord, that he will make us strong. Screw trying hard to get better...the heart is there. But God's wants first, what I want later...(IT'S SO FRIGGING TOUGH??? >.<)
Today, I spent 12 hours out with Tim, Jason, Andy, Steven Li and some liverpool people. Initially a Manchester University open day, but slowly turned into a mini social gathering as the day advanced haha. However, no pictures to prove it...it was a fun time. I guess the mention of "university prospectuses" dampened the atmosphere and potential mayhem and chaos that youth like to stir up when they're together. Yes, I'm an instigator. I confess...
On the way home, I fell in love. After an irritating time of an old man touching me up whilst waiting for the metrolink, then being told it doesn't work and I was ushered to the bus...I saw one of God's gems.
The sun resigning for the day, the seams of the overbearing clouds, saturated with a dull sorrow, let loose...and tints of crimson trickled, bleeding through. In other chinks of the sky, blue wisps of clean air floated by, almost trailing and leading these streaks of heart-piercing warmth...Amidst technology, delapidated shelter, human activity...I couldn't deny it. I broke down on the bus. You're beautiful, JC.
I need words As wide as sky I need language large as This longing inside And I need a voice Bigger than mine And I need a song to sing You That I've yet to find I need You, oh I need You I need You, oh I need You To be here now To be here now To hear me now To hear me now
What a turbulent past couple of weeks I've been having. Was at a complete standstill with God, just...not moving much. Exams really suck. However, it has had its highlights as well; namely just the meeting of a few new brothers and hearing stories of preservation throughout this time of CRAP!! Exams = rubbish?? It's like, Satan took hold of that *one* person in the education department all that time ago and implanted the seed of thought into his head, culminating into him suggesting "I know...just for *FUN* let's TEST these people on EVERYTHING they could POSSIBLY learn throughout the entire year! AND for the icing on top, let's make sure that their life and professional careers are messed up, should they fail? *maniacal laughter ensues*"
That David Crowder song is called "I Need Words". What a wonderful song Ches Ches introduced me to. It's about requiring strength beyond our own. Although I'm not in a position to need words as such, I relate to the song's sentiment. I have just been feeling utterly weak the past few weeks...with unnecessary thoughts flitting around in this noggin of mine. Dad springs to mind. So does exams and future. Psch future...can play around with that forever.
I have also brought back a few U2 classics home, like "North and South of the River". Strange though; it's a war song. What the hell am I doing listening to a war song??? Haha the lyrics are just as poignant in this one...
There was a badness that had its way But love wasn't lost, love will have its day
I wanna meet you where you are I don't need ya to surrender ' Cause there's no feeling that's so alone As when the one you're hurting is your own
Just feelings of inadequacy and reaching my limits, being generally myopic and putting God in a box...God is so graceful even after I realize I shouldn't act so fallen; his message was so gentle and simple. God is a jealous God (exodus 34:14) and His words aren't empty...Isaiah 41:10 -
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Yet even if these promises are there, I'm so *stupid* for not being abandoned within them. I realized "Hey...you part of the body. Look at them all around you, clinging desperately to God and forcefully taking the Kingdom of God! See how they're coping? What the HELL are YOU doing just standing here?? Get on with your life!!! STOP holding everyone else back, weak sauce!! Stop *THINKING* and analyzing and improve to no end!!!!!!"
For sure, I need You; my Father God, I need Him like no time like the present. But, I can't just sit here any longer. Restlessness has taken its toll; I'm gonna carry on! Thank you, Tomps, for helping me realize this! Thank you GOD for being so faithful...
To echo Chris Mellen's thoughts, there shall be a new addition to my motto. Keep *chasing* Him! Uni. It'll either make or break you. V
Sunday, September 27, 2009
「€Œ 12:15 am 」 » 
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