Ever learning. Always failing. Forever weak. Yet eternally saved. From a price to pay. Which I could and can not afford. Learning to live life. Learning to love life. Growing into shoes larger than my own. Finding meaning in Your name. Love and peace.
In my life, be lifted high. In our world, be lifted high. In our love, be lifted high.
You reign, You reign. Over everything, Lord, You reign.
God of the strong, God of the weak, God of You and God of me.
If my heart has grown cold, There Your love will unfold As You open my eyes to the works of Your hands.
If I'm reduced to nothing but a simple tool, then humble me and I will gladly accept my duties as You will, since I am nothing without you.
However I am used to pave the way for future glory, whether in one place or worldwide, whether just at home or in several churches...I gladly lap up whatever calling you throw in my arms.
Teach me to learn again....Break my fall again, I lack the strength it takes to be invincible...
Is life governed by a progression of events? Of opinions and concern left, right and centre? By desire, ambition, relationships, possessions?
Rather, YOU take the helm of this ship. You steer its direction and dictate its pace...and I will obey your commands, with every breath and force of life poured out into bringing YOU glory.
Oceans will part, nations come At the whisper of Your call Hope will rise, glory shown In my life, Your will be done.
Rid me of myself, I belong to You. Lead me to the cross, where Your blood poured out.
Amazing love, now what else shall I need. Your name brings life, it's more than the air I breathe.
I give my life to honour this The love of Christ The Saviour King.
What's happened since Dad's scare incident? A few things...
God has been touching my heart these past few days. In random moments, I feel so moved by Him...a few times is when I'm just listening to some music...and when I hear Jesus' name, there is no other reaction but a spontaneous combustion of joy, pain and hope when I realize that He's a Saviour who did not deserve death. God has moved immeasurably in me...
Something that spoke to me in a quiet time was Mark 16: 4-5
But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe sitting on the right side, and they were alarmed.
I get the image from The Passion Of The Christ, at the very end of the movie. He's sat on a rock, naked, with none of the bandages around Him...Jesus rose, and was waiting for the boulder to be moved. Total victory, at that very moment.
"Cause the enemy has been defeated, death couldn't hold you down. We're gonna lift our voice in victory, we're gonna make Your praises loud."
Every time God moved in me, I just broken down crying. It's the hardest thing to cover up crying when you're on a bus, you know?? But it's all good.
On Saturday night, I saw a play that my housemate's fellowship group composed, called "Manchester Story". It's a play that has stories of different people, whose lives are broken by rape, molestation, drug addiction, gang warfare, homosexuality...these stories were interwoven, but it centered around a girl's life who has had a turbulent upbringing. The point of the story was to convey that many people in Manchester, as well as other areas, live these lives in reality. We saw how God played a part in this...and the girl and her mother were saved, at the end, by God's grace and provision, in the form of the right people in contact with the main characters.
There was an altar call, where the Pastor was moving with the Spirit. 40+ were saved that night. I felt God move as I sat down in my seat, waiting for the play to get under way...That was such an awesome night.
Something that has been really stirring within me...just what am I doing for the Lord? And am I doing it right? The preacher on Sunday explained about Matthew 5:38-48...that's right, the passage about "slap, then turn your other cheek". How as christians, we can just turn the other cheek and bear it, because we have Jesus. It doesn't say be happy about it, but know that we can bear it, because we have Jesus. That told me that...no matter what's happening, if I have the Lord, I can bear it. However...it didn't completely remove the doubt. What am I doing in 6:13? It just seems that my "counseling", if my pathetic attempts can be called that, aren't what the Lord wants. It's not aligned with His will...But I got an email today. It's from the MEC (Midlands Easter Conference) prayer team, giving me the prayer points that we shall start praying for as a team. A verse that was knocked down was this:
"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."1 Corinthians 15:58.
That spoke wonders to me...That no matter what I did...as long as its for the Lord...then I can hang safely in the knowledge that, because I am equipped with the right knowledge and training, my efforts aren't in vain.
As a man...I've discovered something I know what the Lord wants for me. He wants me to become a man...a man of GOD. Not just a buff, 230 pound monster that's ripped and cares about nothing, but to care for each other...to convey love as stated scripturally...to be firm on my standards and be self controlled...to listen to His will and stay faithful to Him, day after day. It's such a blessing to do that...
And with that in mind, it looks like I have direction in my life.
Something I'm trying to bear at the moment...is my utter loneliness...I'm praying that God would provide me some friends...because unfortunately, I don't really have any friends that I can just chill with. My housemates are busy a lot of the time/I clash with them and piss them off a lot. I don't know anyone in uni except people on my course and everyone has their own niche. Even If I am friends with the youth, I have to be a mentor and role model to them. Something you could pray about...is that I would learn to rely on people more...because I'm fighting a heavy war like everyone else is...but I'm always low on ammunition...But Lord, I'm desperately hanging onto you...I'm going to cling to you, even if I'm going to have little moral support over the next few years, or the rest of my life. Even if I stay celibate and single till the end of my days. Even when I lose strength in my body to move forward...Father, I'm going to stick close to You.
Freedom from sin. Let me live in that freedom with my devotion.
Today was the last time us uni people shall see each other before they all run off, doing their own things during the summer til September arrives.
I was reprimanded by the Lord very sharply today. I was in Quality Save (AWESOME shop! in picadilly gardens, next to Marks&Spencer!!), just swiftly sweeping a few snacking items to pass the time whilst I waited for Ibi. I bought the popcorn, chocolate dip things and some love hearts. It came to a total of £1.88, of which I paid £10 for. So the change was £8.12...all in pound coins. I moved on in the queue to allow other people to pay for their items, but I checked and in a very conceited, contemptuous manner, I thought to myself that I could go back and tell her to keep the change of 12p; the pound coins are all that mattered. Yet, it took only the time lightning takes to blitz the earth, to realize that it's the pennies that make the pound coins. I realized that YES, one hundred pennies make up a pound...and although it's value is greater, it took eight hundred of those pennies to make up those pound coins. Similarly, regardless of people's position or role in God's kingdom, with whatever talent they've been imparted with by the big man Himself, they are there to make up the BIGGER picture. Even if you serve the tea in church and that's ALL you do in church for the next ten years, this SMALL act contributes towards the church's image of hospitality offered through its refreshment services and so on and so forth. After being humbled by this fact...I guess I carried on with a smaller head and less worry about my future. Every penny counts.
So the gang ended up with me Layla Sean Odoley Ibi
The lot of us went to Pizza Express to engage in some strange conversation, with a dash of eccentric behaviour, plenty of laughs and an overpriced, but healthy, pizza. Afterwards, we went to a bar called "Simple", which was very well hidden. Haha, after half an hour of awkward silence and settling down, readjusting our mental states and aligning our behaviour according to the context of our surroundings, we had MORE laughs! We also saw RIO FERDINAND there. It was great to see someone of his status going to a small, local bar. He didn't explicitly go there to integrate himself within the local populace, but he didn't shun anyone either. Was cool. Am SURE he's bigger on TV!! Haha. It was a good night. I'm glad I've been blessed with these friends. God provides naturally. After they left, I held onto the pieces they've sown into my heart. Good friends for every time, not just the bad or good.
A clash of “everything” With fierce tremors of doubt Rippling across all I hold true; Confusion whispering in giggles On where I stand with You…
Identity, once a tranquil haven, Crumples. A clamor, and the ground, broken. And I’m on my knees, with my heart scattered As it was found; shards Dig deep, like thorns, These new found combinations of memory And speculation burrows as deep as before…
Yet, my heart burns for You. You gathered pieces of me And made me flow Peace rest Joy manifest Life flow In me…
And I’m not prepared; I am ready To be tossed in storms To be crippled in battle Humbled beneath the ground in which I stand To learn of our nature To learn of Yours To run back to Your arms Cause I burn for You --------------------------------------------
I think I'll call it "pieces of me". Wrote this just now. Had some inspiration from a friend who was feeling as I did. The title refers to when I thought about myself...and how I used to be so separated and isolated from reality, seeking existence and acknowledgment...just a calamity. My heart was just a series of painful memories scattered all over the place...and the consternation of what happened and not knowing who to hold onto. JC answered that rhetorical question and transmuted it into a challenge. He picked up my broken heart, scattered everywhere and stuck it together in such a way that all my pain and fear, the sorrow and instability of my life flowed...so that I can still be me. Yet, I can actually have a new heart, so that I can move onwards from stagnation...
This sums my past few weeks. Of containing God in a box...of not knowing the direction in which I am running. But these empty feelings were discarded as soon as I came to Him on my knees in desperation.
Matthew 11:28Come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest
Worship leading. I know I want to lead people to His presence. Yet, am I going to be professional? Or shall I do it on a part time basis like, once a week on Sundays? A question that's been plaguing my mind since NEEC, when God planted that seed into my head.
Extracted conclusions? WAIT ON HIM, IDIOT!! It's not up to me to decide my future. Same with football. Just because turning pro seems unlikely now, doesn't mean I don't continue to improve.
But when do I start? What about the summer? What shall I do?
The answer came straight away.
I'll make myself a slave to Him. I'm going to breach limits like they weren't set initially. I'm going to be *better*, all for the sake of living a life of excellence and glory for God. Can't wait.
I reiterate. Forget about being PREPARED; He wants to know - ARE YOU READY??
Thursday, June 05, 2008
「€Œ 3:03 pm 」 » 
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