Ever learning. Always failing. Forever weak. Yet eternally saved. From a price to pay. Which I could and can not afford. Learning to live life. Learning to love life. Growing into shoes larger than my own. Finding meaning in Your name. Love and peace.
Today was the last time us uni people shall see each other before they all run off, doing their own things during the summer til September arrives.
I was reprimanded by the Lord very sharply today. I was in Quality Save (AWESOME shop! in picadilly gardens, next to Marks&Spencer!!), just swiftly sweeping a few snacking items to pass the time whilst I waited for Ibi. I bought the popcorn, chocolate dip things and some love hearts. It came to a total of £1.88, of which I paid £10 for. So the change was £8.12...all in pound coins. I moved on in the queue to allow other people to pay for their items, but I checked and in a very conceited, contemptuous manner, I thought to myself that I could go back and tell her to keep the change of 12p; the pound coins are all that mattered. Yet, it took only the time lightning takes to blitz the earth, to realize that it's the pennies that make the pound coins. I realized that YES, one hundred pennies make up a pound...and although it's value is greater, it took eight hundred of those pennies to make up those pound coins. Similarly, regardless of people's position or role in God's kingdom, with whatever talent they've been imparted with by the big man Himself, they are there to make up the BIGGER picture. Even if you serve the tea in church and that's ALL you do in church for the next ten years, this SMALL act contributes towards the church's image of hospitality offered through its refreshment services and so on and so forth. After being humbled by this fact...I guess I carried on with a smaller head and less worry about my future. Every penny counts.
So the gang ended up with me Layla Sean Odoley Ibi
The lot of us went to Pizza Express to engage in some strange conversation, with a dash of eccentric behaviour, plenty of laughs and an overpriced, but healthy, pizza. Afterwards, we went to a bar called "Simple", which was very well hidden. Haha, after half an hour of awkward silence and settling down, readjusting our mental states and aligning our behaviour according to the context of our surroundings, we had MORE laughs! We also saw RIO FERDINAND there. It was great to see someone of his status going to a small, local bar. He didn't explicitly go there to integrate himself within the local populace, but he didn't shun anyone either. Was cool. Am SURE he's bigger on TV!! Haha. It was a good night. I'm glad I've been blessed with these friends. God provides naturally. After they left, I held onto the pieces they've sown into my heart. Good friends for every time, not just the bad or good.
A clash of “everything” With fierce tremors of doubt Rippling across all I hold true; Confusion whispering in giggles On where I stand with You…
Identity, once a tranquil haven, Crumples. A clamor, and the ground, broken. And I’m on my knees, with my heart scattered As it was found; shards Dig deep, like thorns, These new found combinations of memory And speculation burrows as deep as before…
Yet, my heart burns for You. You gathered pieces of me And made me flow Peace rest Joy manifest Life flow In me…
And I’m not prepared; I am ready To be tossed in storms To be crippled in battle Humbled beneath the ground in which I stand To learn of our nature To learn of Yours To run back to Your arms Cause I burn for You --------------------------------------------
I think I'll call it "pieces of me". Wrote this just now. Had some inspiration from a friend who was feeling as I did. The title refers to when I thought about myself...and how I used to be so separated and isolated from reality, seeking existence and acknowledgment...just a calamity. My heart was just a series of painful memories scattered all over the place...and the consternation of what happened and not knowing who to hold onto. JC answered that rhetorical question and transmuted it into a challenge. He picked up my broken heart, scattered everywhere and stuck it together in such a way that all my pain and fear, the sorrow and instability of my life flowed...so that I can still be me. Yet, I can actually have a new heart, so that I can move onwards from stagnation...
This sums my past few weeks. Of containing God in a box...of not knowing the direction in which I am running. But these empty feelings were discarded as soon as I came to Him on my knees in desperation.
Matthew 11:28Come to me all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest
Worship leading. I know I want to lead people to His presence. Yet, am I going to be professional? Or shall I do it on a part time basis like, once a week on Sundays? A question that's been plaguing my mind since NEEC, when God planted that seed into my head.
Extracted conclusions? WAIT ON HIM, IDIOT!! It's not up to me to decide my future. Same with football. Just because turning pro seems unlikely now, doesn't mean I don't continue to improve.
But when do I start? What about the summer? What shall I do?
The answer came straight away.
I'll make myself a slave to Him. I'm going to breach limits like they weren't set initially. I'm going to be *better*, all for the sake of living a life of excellence and glory for God. Can't wait.
I reiterate. Forget about being PREPARED; He wants to know - ARE YOU READY??
Saturday, June 09, 2007
「€Œ 2:32 am 」 » 
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