Ever learning. Always failing. Forever weak. Yet eternally saved. From a price to pay. Which I could and can not afford. Learning to live life. Learning to love life. Growing into shoes larger than my own. Finding meaning in Your name. Love and peace.
The world is currently inhabited by approximately 6,000,000,000 humans (give or take a few billion). That's 6 billion, in case people weren't sure. There are so many different nationalities and even within these nationalities, there is such diversity in culture within culture; countless traditions running through the veins of national, cultural, tribal, regional, local, family and individual history born from events throughout the world, which soak into the hearts of people, however small or large, however profound or trivial.
Yet it breaks my heart when I hear people say that their life is stagnant...that their "walk with God" has come to a standstill and shoes have been taken off to just rest. Or when people feel their "relationship" has gone dry...and the "fire" has gone cold. The people who feel that they can't be FULLY open in church, because everyone just seems so "strong"...like they're made out of iron...How about the people who don't know what they're supposed to be doing? Who find life so without aim or hope; day by day, they slog through the marsh and the tar that they know as "life" that transforms into routine and monotony...When people have lost sight of their divine inheritance, or never even KNEW of it...
What do I say to them?
To the people who are walking strong, or have found their life and embraced it, I love you so much! Cause you people are great to watch and grow WITH! You bless the world, as salt and light wherever you go, conscious or subconsciously! To my leaders, role models and inspirations, your light keeps growing bigger, as you reach out to more and more people.
So where's the room for the broken and hurting?
What do I have to say to THEM? The ones who are slowing the rest of us down? The people who's emotions are roaring and tearing them up from the inside, that they can't seem to move another finger? Just what DO I say to them?
Well...
To the broken and hurting, know that HE, the God who parted the Red Seas, the God who raised a king from a Shepherd boy, the God who made the smallest, weakest member of a tribe into a mighty general of an army, the God who raised Jesus from the dead, the God who raised up warriors from fishermen...You may be sat here thinking "what has this to do with me? You're probably going to say 'You can be like that too!'"
My friend, you're being held back. You need God's grace...Because the God who did amazing things through this perfect history we call "the Holy Bible" is the same God who embraces drug addicts and picks them up, moulding their lives and persons into preachers, pastors, front-line warriors. Porn stars who leave behind their lives of indulgence and superficial beauty; people who come from backgrounds where sacred rights are flaunted and bodies are abused, through external substance or physical abuse in all shapes and forms...God uses these people.
But He doesn't just pick them up and use them as they are. You can't use broken tools...Just as He cannot use us when we are hurting.
Come to Me, ALL who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
Only you know if you are hurting inside. But know this; whatever weight you carry, whatever burden allows Satan to haul you down and put his foot on the back of your head, there is NOTHING which the Grace of God cannot consume in its span.
To the lonely and isolated, know that He hears your crying. Know that He doesn't WANT you to suffer alone, in foreign lands with routines that seem to confine you, or restrain you.
To the broken, who cling onto their experience and skills to draw them through the days, when everyone else is strong, know this: you will break down. You will be seen in the fullness of your pain. And when it happens, His arms will be the first thing to hold you. Not EVERYONE is "strong". Smiles are a skill...with practise, anyone can throw one whilst burning and yearning within. When you peel the layers, you'll uncover something much deeper and heavier than gushing blood...you'll find loneliness, rejection, wanting, doubt and pain in all its spiky forms dwelling within each person. But when you prayed that prayer, when you asked for Jesus to rule in your life, then know this; His FIRST priority before ANYTHING, is to save you. It's to hold you. It's to hug you. It's to love you when nothing else seems to go right. Even when HE needs loving, Jesus healed. And you - He wants you RESTORED.
To the lost, where desolation reigns, where direction is veiled and alien to your eyes...Where identity is exclusive to people who's prominent talents grant them VIP access to leadership, or simply acceptance...Lost sheep, Look Up...He's crying for you. His arms want to grip you in a bear hug and cushion you from your fall...He wants to whisper to you "You're safe with Me"...and that there is NO ONE who doesn't have a place in His Kingdom. Whether you stack chairs, whether you cook, wash dishes, chat to friends who no one else does, pray for people...regardless of your role, he cherishes you more than any other. Look to Him and He will sort you out...
To the clowns, whose mask is hanging Whose make up has smeared Whose face protrudes into the open Like a face from behind the curtains The stage is empty but the people still stare Where the mould has been placed Right in the centre And expectation drives you to step in And fulfill that "role" of stupidity Of being underestimated Of inadequacy Of superficiality:
Hey, check this out. The world just isn't READY for you yet...if they saw ALL sides of you...in the pool of your rumination or the reams of your digressions...or the values and principles, to which you adhere to, in life...how you handle a situation..."clown"? I believe they have put YOU in a box...and you can so easily break free, beloved one. Know this; they have yet to see the full spectrum =)
To you, who's shoulders bruise, ache and bleed from the mantle of responsibility, who feel they should do more...who WANT to do more, yet feel out of your depth...The Lord has spoken. You put your faith in HIM...and let Him worry about what will happen...cause He put you where you are for a reason...to the people who feel that there is a certain "standard" they must meet...know this; He is SO pleased with you, and how you have grown. You are A LOT more mature, a LOT more cherished and appreciated than you know...just go into the world and you will see how you fare, within other ministries..! To you, who is about to step into this foreign, exciting world of leadership, yet still don't know where you are supposed to help, or how...God will use that talent, the couple or the dozen of talents you possess...and when you just invest into your ministry as He directs you, you will see where He wants you. Don't be CONFINED to the parameters of the word "leader". The associations with "leader" only hold you back as long as you ALLOW them...
NO, you don't have to be a preacher. NO, you don't have to be an amazing "worship leader" (what the bum is a "worship leader"??) NO, you don't have to be SUPER intelligent to be in the team. NO, you don't HAVE to be SENSIBLE or "MATURE" - I BREAK that in Jesus' name! What is maturity, besides knowing when to be "sensible" or when to have FUN??
You ALL are leaders. You ALL have gifts, abilities, talent. And God CAN use it! Let Him work, because God never set parameters for what can and cannot be used...steady ears, listen up! Hearts are screaming and burdens need to be poured out! Motormouths! You have ears to let rip to! Make friends and disciples of all nations! Musicians! Realize the beauty that God has in store through your fingers and voices! Arty minds with little concentration spans! Release that tension on paper through paint and poignant scribble...let the world know, they are not alone! Dancers! MOVE your body, so the Lord can see you worship in style and in truth, holding NOTHING back! To the men with muscle; SET UP THOSE CHAIRS! Haha...play your sport! Run your race and kick the football...for the Lord gave you limbs to enjoy life!! Computer pros...Technology has a place in His kingdom! He wants the best, and ONLY the best! He doesn't want to see a PowerPoint go wrong, or a video with poor quality! To those who's minds are uncertain and have no idea where He wants you...lift up your heart to Him...the most precious jewel amongst the treasury is the one that has been broken and chipped over the years of refining...
Can you hear it?
Can you feel your feet rumble? Do you see the mountains tremble? Do you see brimstone and thunder from the sky?
Can you hear the full-throated roars of the battle-hungry warriors? The stampede that is rushing, overwhelming, all-consuming like a breath of fire; quick but unmerciful.
Do you SEE the people tremble, as the world begins to shake and groan? Do you see emptiness being filled?
Conqueror...know your place. You have so much more than this...lift up your head. Rise from your hands and knees. Look to the sky, wipe away the tears and the stains of blood. Find your sword...and freeze it in your hand. Because you are once again on the front line. You are about to let loose your full-throated war cry. Your determination and perseverance shatters the ground, leaving craters behind wherever you run and people miles away can feel you. Nations tremble when they see that politics cannot hold us back. LOVE cannot be conquered. When even a hint smears all over the tar...seeds are sown and lives are changed. Where you fight through your conversations, self discipline, evangelism, faithfulness, obedience, singing, smiling, hugging...He anoints that.
So, as a battle command...it's as such. Let them have it. Let them know who you are...and who you serve.
So, a while has settled before I touch this blog. What has happened?
Tuesday, me, Daniel, Mel and her best mate from college went to see Journey To The West. She's called Romana. I haven't seen her in years. I don't mean two or three; I can recall vividly slapping her when she was visiting Mel at our house when I was eight. Beyond that, I can't recollect any other meetings. Her first reaction when she saw me and realized who I am, was "Oh my GOD!! You've grown up!!!" And hand to her mouth in astonishment and the like. It was strange seeing people from the past... Made me think, "what about the people I went to school with? What will they think of me now? Would they use the same adjectives and descriptions? Will I be completely foreign when held against who they knew a few years ago?" But I digress. The play was so funny...really brought the antagonistic nature of Monkey out, but conveyed the relationships and unity of the group through all their little trials. The colour was awesome; the blends, the contrast, the subtle implications of what may happen. The Chinese producers seem to be showing an innovative streak when it comes to colour co-ordination, as shown through those big epic films like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, or House of Flying Daggers. My main critique, which was agreed upon by Mel and her mate Romana, was that the subtitles were a bit random...everything was in mandarin and subtitles were being shown at the foot of the stage. However...they popped up sporadically, all in white as well, so it was difficult to piece together who was saying what to who and it was just a whole lot of confusion! If they had that sorted, I think it would have fetched them a lot more laughs, whilst catering the audience's understanding a whole lot better! haha. monkey noises...ooh ooh!
I went to the Eden conference, about Urban missions! Basically, helping out in the community! The reason behind MY attendance is because Matt Coulson thought up of what to do with 6:13, to help them grow as a unit and spiritually, whilst contributing towards church's vision of expanding in the community. As such, he composed a mini-project for 6:13, labeling it "Action Wednesdays". Since it's on a Wednesday, it'll probably be during day hours, like, 9-5? But the majority of the leader team are working...I emphasize on *majority* because I'm the only one available. So, I personally feel Matt has just dumped something that was his passion, onto my shoulders. At first, as cynical and indifferent as possible, I just said "yes Matt. Whatever you say. I'll do it because I don't have a choice and you'll probably be annoyed with me if I don't." Nothing really happened; I have to go with Uncle Kim and Shermaine on one of their visits to the neighbourhood to introduce myself to the people whose houses we will invade - I mean, renovate, according to their needs! Karen invited me to this conference held in Manchester, by the people in charge of the Eden project! People from all over the country gathered; Sheffield, Leeds, Birmingham, Scotland. The furthest was Germany!! How insane!!
I was totally humbled by this whole thing. People were sharing about what to do once they've moved into an estate, how they could help, tension between teams and other leaders and how to resolve this. The visions, aims and size of the projects were really massive...I felt so out of my league! These people were seeing youth around them saved, after investing years of their lives into the youth and discipling, monitoring and encouraging them! Stories shared were from extremity to extremity...like, people being shot with BB guns whilst trying to worship in the congregation, windows being smashed regularly, just blemishing these genuine people's lives with malevolence and intention to make their lives hell, for moving on these estates. I was really inspired by it all...although I don't have such a project in my hands, I aim to make sure we can bless the community around us with our joy and unassuming work for them! It took a while, but I've realized that...maybe this is what God wants me to be doing over the summer? haha...things fall in place in really odd bits!
I guess here's the serious, personal stuff now. After a lot of thinking after going to Liverpool for Katie Lang's birthday, I realised...I need to step up a gear. I was just thinking, after some of the events and some of my actions, that I am now a youth leader. I'm not sure if my conduct and demeanor reflects that at all...there were many times when I wasn't being fully responsible and didn't thoroughly appraise the consequences of my actions. Yes, it's not youth group and we can all have fun. But yes, we are living as salt and light in a dark world and we're all set out to be leaders. I have to start..."upgrading". In that sense, I refer to myself not being someone I am not...otherwise, Vinny K and the team wouldn't have agreed to allow me onto the leader team. They think I am capable of being a youth group leader; namely, being aware of my actions, being able to make a clear distinction between what's right and wrong, set an example through faith and action and being "mature". They have clear belief in this, after seeing me grow and develop as a person and spiritually. But what is mature? Chester gave me a good definition, with regards to conduct - "The distinction between having fun and being serious". But, at this moment in time, I feel like I'm not engaging with this level of maturity properly...and I know I have to step up. But it doesn't mean being someone who I'm not, because I've displayed "sides" of me which convey *some* depth of intelligence and sensitivity. I'm just lost...how far do I have to go?
Another sort of serious issue that I've recognized and confronted is one that's interlinked with the above issue of maturity and responsibility. I was at Sean's christening for his sons today...and I met many people. One of whom is Sean's close friend. He amusedly remarked how he has seen different "sides" to me. Moreover, I was joking with Sean's grandmother. She sparked up a superficial debate in jest, that you needed to have a degree to use the chocolate fountain (sweet isn't she?) I just played along and giggled with her...yet when she brought it up in the kitchen, once again, all in good humour, Sean took it differently and thought I called her plain dumb. What hurts isn't the fact that he thought I would have done something like that; do I really portray so many aspects of my personality, that are so far from each other, that I seem like there are a few persona I adopt around different people? What I mean is...does Sean think that I am two faced and so shallow, that I pretend to be someone else when I'm with him, then do what I like in the background? I work hard on keeping my integrity grounded and unwavering. Yet, he is so uncertain about my "humour" that he knows when I'm kidding with him, yet when with other people, he must be thinking that I'm such a prick for being so...frivolous, flaring and outrageous comments and allowing a demeaning attitude towards everyone else overcome me. As God's child...surely...shouldn't I be just as one person? Yeah we make mistakes. But I'm torn that people think I act differently around other people. It's true to an extent. Everyone does. But my integrity, honesty, manners and care for others should be equivalent and spread in the same, abstract quantity across everyone I meet, so upon comparison, there is no doubt about *that* aspect of my character. But I don't think this is the case...
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
「€Œ 1:43 am 」 » 
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