Ever learning. Always failing. Forever weak. Yet eternally saved. From a price to pay. Which I could and can not afford. Learning to live life. Learning to love life. Growing into shoes larger than my own. Finding meaning in Your name. Love and peace.
OTT - b. over the limit; excessive(ly); lacking restraint or a sense of proportion
I texted a friend recently. I asked him how he was and how was his situation right now. I really admire him because of his aspirations and for who he is. I haven't known him a long time, but I warmed up to him. I haven't spoken to him in a while, so I thought I'd drop by. But no reply.
The same response, as when I last tried to contact him. No reply.
The first time, I thought...perhaps he's busy. I don't know his timetable very well. Maybe he's a really busy guy at this hour; he'll call back later," I assumed. So I tried again. But no reply.
I recently found a primary school friend, who didn't stray too far from Manchester herself. I was excited to find her on Facebook and found out she lived with my old high school friend at university. Shocked and happily surprised by the odd chances of them meeting, I logged on and found her on Facebook. I asked her how she was and what she was up to, hoping we'd actually catch up. We were never close in primary school, but I guess I was excited to meet someone I knew so long ago.
There was no reply.
So questions buzzed in my head...maybe my internet connection breaks when they want to message back...maybe my phone doesn't function well and exclusively stops their texts. Maybe they don't want to talk. To me.
I hang on that thought for moments too long.
Why do they not want to talk? I thought we were on good terms.
Flashing through previous conversations and meetings like a portfolio, I desperately try to find anomolies or awkward moments, times when I convey myself not in the right light or said the wrong thing. But from my perspective, it's eternally flawed; I'll never know until I speak with them and find out.
When I'm down and out and everything is terrible, with contracts being signed bearing unknowing consequences and necessary contracts not appearing, work life comes to a halt. Love life is a struggle because I don't feel I can support her, I don't listen or care about her. I have no passion. I have no motivation. I am in a pit and I am in "the dark place", where so many of us tend to find ourselves. Jobless, broke, no direction and no potential, no value in the world, no friends to rely on...it's a grim picture that I splash on the canvas.
Before you spare a moment of sympathy, and consider leaving a word of encouragement, let me ask you one vital question: do you NEED a reason to encourage someone else? Do you treat someone according to their product? Do you say "well done! keep it up!" like a master to a well trained dog, if they do what they were supposed to? And as logic follows, do you then berate them if they do it wrong; "YOU'RE USELESS!" The question stands; do you NEED a reason to encourage someone?
The verb "to encourage" stems from the Hebrew word "chazaq", of which has many meanings along the lines of to strengthen, prevail, be strong, become strong, be courageous, be firm, grow firm and many others. To strengthen someone else, to help them become strong, or help them prevail. Giving them the courage to grow and become firm.
Luke 4:18 - Jesus was teaching in synagogues and it was prophesised that the poor will hear the good news, the oppressed will taste freedom. Blind will see and deaf will hear. All because Jesus was encouraging and teaching people he didn't know.
Phillipians 4:8 - encourage others to think Godly, wholesome subjects and love the Lord always.
2 Thessalonians 2:17 - encourage our hearts, strengthening us in every good work and deed. Just as God gives us courage and hope, shouldn't we also strengthen our brothers and sisters?
I've listed a few things here. I feel there is a distinct lack of encouragement in my life.
I've said enough. Time to slump back into the shadows again.
Friday, January 08, 2010
「€Œ 3:24 pm 」 » 
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