V - the story of: Block number 2?
Friday, March 23, 2007

« Block number 2? »

left this blog a bit late...

hm. sunday was mother's day. i didn't know or realise until the service started, when matt suggested we pray for all the mothers in the congregation later on. to be honest, it didn't really affect me. last year, i was distraught, just thinking how lucky everyone was to have their mother. what i'm slowly learning is to fill these holes with God, rather than scrape the walls from other parts of my life and scatter the filings there, hoping against hope that it'll numb the pain.

in fact, someone recently had on their msn name that to forgive isn't to forget, it's to let go of the pain. but, when i think about it...surely, forgiving means that you aren't going to hold a grudge against someone any longer, yet the pain will remain as a reminder of what that person did to you in the first place? hm...

also on sunday, i led the yg session. i thought i had something pure and resulting in great fun for everyone; it highlighted that i'm only inches from the starting line of my long journey of experience. i had everyone participate in groups in a "general knowledge" quiz, where you'd be asked to show your general knowledge in "dancing" and i'd ask you to dance to a tune. lol that was funny. lots of stupid things like that. the first few games worked kinda well, cause the whole group was involved. however, i assumed the quiet ones would open up quickly; big mistake to overlook individual differences. the point of my session was that really embarrassing forfeits were given to people, but their group members could substitute for them to take the punishment. in the same way, JC did that, but for our sins. that was the simple message. i'll work on my talking skills next time.

the past week has just been heavy. football eats away at me even more; i honestly don't seem to be getting any better. i've confronted my anger problems on the pitch; i'm going to train myself fitness wise and run myself into the ground. i'm going to work on my speed and blind you with a trail of electric blue. and i'm going to pray. most importantly, i will pray, at all times; during training and on the pitch, that my anger will not consume me. i bought a CD of santana recently; i'm digging it. it's my first real taste of samba. i'm slowly thinking, that people play and move to a flow and beat (in football) and what my anger does to me, is just make me deaf internally, so i can't distinguish good and bad choices, and it submerges everyone else, so all i'm doing is running violently; yes VIOLENTLY. sounds strange, but when i get annoyed, i run hard and i aim to get the ball, without hurting you, but the tackle will be hard...if you get me? lol. anyhow, my resolution is to get fit. got my excercise bike today. will start that soon. technically, i'm still young, so i'll find someone to coach me for that. but i want to be faster and stronger...i guess if i want it, ask God and work for it. it's actually very disappointing to see how a sport can take control of someone's life...but my excuse is that it's my "passion"...

the past week has been heavy for me. since my football session on friday with alex, i just lost heart...matt convicted me of downloading and its real significance...but i knew it was wrong, i just had no...energy or fight left in me to say anything. sunday swept by too. people were asking me what was wrong in uni on tuesday. all i can pray is God to lift me from an ocean of transparent dispair, where i can't even see what's gnawing away inside.

tuesday's bible session with vinny k was on colossians 2:8-15. it was a profound passage, talking about how JC has set us free from the "written code"; i still don't really know what that means. s'all good.

jess is going cambodia soon. i'm going to miss her. i've grown up with her for the past 7 years. she's a funny one. she'll do great things for God. can't wait to see how much she's grown when she comes back in the summer. she's teaching kids english, as part of a volunteering service, but she's evangelising at the same time.

natalie's going to china for a year. she's leaving in the summer. i'm going to miss her as well. she is a very positive influence in youth group. well, can't wait to see how much she grows when she comes back; got to raise those funds first!

i usually order my posts in order of importance...but it's been erratic for the past few blogs, cause i leave stuff on my mind for too long. today, i FINALLY got my Duke of Edinburgh bronze award! i started the program with some other youth group members around summer last year. they were...anna, chris and ste lee, caroline, andy, jonny, karen, charlotte and jason. matt was our overseer. it started off ok...i learnt a lot of things from that. our youth group could participate in DoE cause it's the new scheme; mixing cultures together. the idea is to encourage the embrace of multiculuturism and religions. i learnt a lot in my trip. firstly, teamwork doesn't mean leading others and dragging them along and being grumpy; it means dropping your pride and in the midst of your struggles, adopt your team's struggles and juggle around stuff to make life easier. i liked it cause it challenged me physically, having to carry all that weight. one thing i neglected was the general welfare of my group; i was fortunate enough that the ones in my group were had enough will to get through it together. teamwork doesn't mean pushing other people; it means sacrificing your pride and carrying the team how you can, using your abilities for the team's benefit, not just yours.

another thing, was when we visited the holocaust centre. i learnt that individual differences mould people's characters, so one contradictory belief will lie hand in hand with the opposite belief in someone, but because of that, it makes them act a certain way. one thing that can never be accepted is the belief that anyone else is inferior because of our genetic design. we are engineered in perfection in God's eyes, whether we are disabled or fully able. how much more INFERIOR is someone who abuses their intellect and ability by applying it into trying to think that they are better than someone else? no one is better JUST because they want to believe that. every human has something to contribute to the race, regardless. visiting that museum really reinforced that. everyone's equal. i'll prove it to you.

mark eccleston. he was a paralympic champion in rugby, table tennis and tennis. the message he imparted with us was that anyone can do anything if you wanted it bad enough. he was a 16 year old kid, who was silly. he ran down a hill headfirst and tried to somersault into a ditch; result? he landed on his head and was paralysed from the legs down. so he was lying there in bed thinking "what am i going to do with my life?" but he pulled himself back up. before his injury, he was tipped to become a pro in rugby. even so, he wanted to do the best he could, which he did. his message was that as long as you put everything into what you want, you can have it. that challenged me. i'm wondering if i'm putting everything into what i want.

uni. it'll either make or break you.
V

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