V - the story of: Blue
Friday, February 09, 2007

« Blue »

It's that time. More people know and remembered than I expected. Guess she was remembered in the most honourable way; she lived her life as she wanted.

I've had a lot of posts which just talk about my relationship with God...i don't know why i made this blog up in the first place. I didn't know what I would put down. I guess i'll put down as if i was talking to you; it's my heart on a sleeve.

it's half four. We just had a brief visit of the grave. We stayed there for about seven minutes. The cold burrowed deep into my skin, but I said a prayer, there and then. The desolate sky might be a crystal shine of my heart; but it's not hardended. The heavy silence sat on my shoulders and penetrated my head, dancing its harsh sounds and piercing echoes til it collided with every wall of my mind. That silence wasn't long enough.

The deepest spear is the one with a tail, holding my brother's name on it. Even now, he's humming away in an almost ignorant, nonchalant way. He was oblivious to the fact that today is the first year, but maybe he's not? Maybe he's so numb with the pain, he's just desensitized and prefers to run and bury himself in his world. There is no silence in his head. He is constantly running; running to stand still. Running to find peace with himself. If only I could drop my pride and rip the barriers between us down so I can show him God's love. Doesn't matter what it takes; an arm, eye or my life.

Sister is downstairs. She's soaking in the air, drenched with thought and heavy sorrow; it's empty with wanderers unsure of where they're going creaking its floorboards and using its stoves. I want to know how she copes; my assumptions only run so far, maybe too far down a branch of thought untrue whatsoever. Who knows.

I'm sat here giving you the human aspect of my blog. Me, stripped bare. I'm just aching, frustrated and ruing the fact my brother is almost immune to reality. Layla mentioned what my regrets were. I guess it'll keep pushing me to be a better person. I'm just in a stagnant position at this moment in time, with thoughts lingering and bustling in my head.

Top three songs of the week; Blue (cowboy bebop final ending), Hana (Orange Range) and Come speak to me (4hero).

But God is good; he provides me with comfort and support in so many ways. Thanks to LouiSe for wasting all my credit; just kidding =p; thanks for all the late chats, morning wake up calls, helping hands and steady ears when I needed them! Keep maturing in our Father! Then you will grow big enough to bully me back *keke* =p. And to Tomps for just being my bro in Christ - keep battling on bro! Cheers Ricky for being a willy *keke*...only joking...of course....*cough*... You stay up too late, even more so than me! Ta, Jamie fella for staying up late and just chatting.


Thought of the week...is Colossians 1:19-20
For God was pleased to have all this fulness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through is blood, shed on the cross.

That's hot. Can't touch that. The same message drilled home in so many situations, but the meaning is the same.

Uni. It'll either make or break you.
V

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