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Saturday, June 20, 2009

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So graduation is staring me in the face. It's over and done with.

And the past few weeks have been more eventful than the whole three years.

I am concerned about my sister. She continues to remain an enigma to me, one of those boxes you can't open, just look at from a distance. I get closer, but I never get to see what's she really feeling. I worry for her. I seethe in anger when she lies to me with the same damned cliche that's second nature to our tongues; "I'm fine", or variation of that could be "I'm ok".

I wonder how she is.

My family is messed up. I wonder how do I fit into this new structure. Lord help us all...

Relationship with God? Well, pretty bad actually. I treat Him like piss. Controversial? Try truth. Am I proud? Huh, do I get support?

The future is bright. The future is - cut -

Insert - a barefaced lie - I was told the other day I'm a product of this society. Wow. Deep. No autonomy or individual thinking there. You're a sheep. They groomed you to think, act and speak this way. Oh, by the way, no offense.

I'm not offended by the statement, as much as I am by the underlying meaning. Am I really?

Today I was told I'm really immature. I can either reply with a frank "f*ck you" as I'm accustomed to nowadays, or I can come to grips with it.

Support. I yearn for it. However, do I really need it? Do I need it from the people I look to?

Who wants to support this big f*cking ball of anger that I've become anyway. I'm moving more and more into a nihilistic perspective, putting on lead shoes and pitch black sunglasses. Maybe I am immature. Maybe maturity ISN'T a social convention and due to the indoctrination, maybe I am just a big joke. Haha. After the laughs, it's pretty empty.

Ok, I've dealt with those issues. Now what.

「€Œ 11:08 pm 」 » Comments:




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