V - the story of
Saturday, November 01, 2008

Today was the first time I heard my own, disgusting voice by myself. I guess when I'm with other people, I tend not to think or analyze it...but in a standalone moment, I hate it. Squeaky and high, yet flexible enough to be low and just a slur of crap, I realized it must be so hard to listen to myself sometimes. I mean, how do you comprehend the words at all?

That was a tangent...moving on...

I was practising chords to "This Is Our God"...and it was then when it came back to me.

God, You haven't forsaken me. God, you're more than I need...

But God, I don't feel - I AM broken, believing I am beyond repair, beyond hope...the hope that lies in Jesus Christ.

I'm still stood at this edge, looking down where all my fears, all my failure lies...and I'm about to tumble. Yet Lord, I haven't fallen. And I turn around...and...

I can't see anyone.

But Lord, Your promises don't have an expiry date. There are no small print conditions, which I have to adhere to. Lord, You can do anything through my useless, fragile, prideful, dogmatic, condescending SELF.

Lord, I dare not to look at You. I am overwhelmed with shame. I cannot take off my sandals, because I cannot approach Your throne. I cannot look up, because I fear You.

Lord, lift up my head, so I can stand tall in Your presence. Lift me out of this situation. Take my hands and guide me to where I need You, to dwell in Your presence. Father, almighty God...be my sword and shield, when I cannot stand any longer, when my strength fades, be my resource, my last resort and my excess...

Lord, smite and grind my enemy before my feet. Make him suffer, for his shame and his wrong against you. Remove all blemish and trace on earth.

Completely annihilate my darkest, greatest foe that lingers with me at all times, resting on my shoulders, buried deep within the crevices, a darkness that leeches and grows daily.

Destroy my enemy.

......
...
.

Myself.

「€Œ 10:06 pm 」 » Comments:




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