V - the story of: academic year 2007-2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008

« academic year 2007-2008 »

What a long, boring title for a new post. But it leaves no surprises as to what will be foretold, right? I guess I like my times of reflection...because with reflection, comes hindsight, with self-referential comprehension. How I mean, is when I see something in the past, I will take that event/thought/person captive and understand what God has been doing in my life. By perceiving the different possibilities of what could have happened and what has happened, I praise God with the result and deal with the consequences as He wills.

So, enough gobble-dee-gook. I have been living out in Moss Side for the year, since September, after much running around. Praise the Lord! It was amazing to know God had my back covered and humbling, since I initially looked away from the place that was offered.

So what have I learnt about living out? When I look back, what have I learnt in hindsight about myself? Well one thing is for sure, living with people is DIFFICULT. Don't get me wrong, I loved the experience. But part of that, was the painful compensation of my personality and character, to compliment others' and ultimately, diminish inevitable tension that springs up from cultural, personal and social differences. Things, like me not being bothered to take out the clothing from the tumble dryer as soon as possible, or washing up plates as soon as we've finished eating (hey, that's not all TOO uncommon, right?). It was so difficult, because I feel like I'm not being appreciated at all. So much, that I hate being around them, since they're also on my course, so I see them every single day. Hell, my housemate got annoyed if I didn't call or contact if I went out that night, to let them know when I'd be home. It's like....huh? Where's the contract that states you're my keeper? I thought it was strange. But ultimately, this year taught me a lot about trying hard to get along with people, in ways unfamiliar to yourself. Sounds stupid to socialise in ways you're not used to, right? But, if we always do things our way, we'll ultimately only see from our perspective, meaning less empathy for others. Or so I believe...One thing I learnt, is that Christians are more judgmental than other people, since we have "the truth", we expect EVERYONE to uphold the truth. Yet, what ist truth? It's without form and can't be seen. You can't define it to just one sentence. People need to see what truth is...and hence, they will go on their own way. We speak of Jesus as being the way, the truth and the life. Well, let our lives be that reflection and example of it, instead of us naturally looking down on our youth and "scally" generation, or people who hold everyone else outside of their social circles with contempt. Let's love people, not in a nice, cheery, happy, hippy way. Let's love them when it hurts and when we bleed to have to, yet we can because we have Jesus to redeem us, to carry us when we are low.

Second year wasn't anymore difficult that the first. Just I was a bit more concerned about work, since it counts towards my degree. Doesn't mean I've shifted my ass into gear though...I still don't know what I want to do after uni. I've been saying for two years I want to pursue a Psychology career, but I haven't acted like I'm reinforcing and chasing those aspirations...

Getting a girlfriend was ultimately surprising, unexpected and somewhat scary. I guess that's because having a girlfriend is more than a simple casual relationship, although I may be rushing in a lot quicker than I should be...I pray and hope this results in marriage. But I have to take Godly steps and direction, rather than just forging my own way, to ensure we'll definitely stay together. Because when we enforce our way, God has no room to work in our lives. If God isn't working in my life, then what the hell is the point of declaring I love Him and obey Him, yet deny Him any access or rights to His own creation and what they can do? After all, He's brought me this far, so everything else, should I obey His laws and calling, be prosperous for me. I mean...summer job, youth group, great housemates then and now (moving in with Ellis in 3 weeks), determination to do well this year in uni, a great girlfriend (only saying that because this blog is public...you know it's slightly forced...)

I guess what I prefer to reflect on, is how God has been working in my life. A friend of mine has been telling me of how Christianity is basically psychologically induced by the mind, as escapism, as a way to comfort ourselves. It's mind tricks we play on ourselves, for ourselves. Deep...yet true. Yeah, I do escape into my relationship with God, that is made complete and perfect through Jesus Christs' death. But the reason why I escape into His arms, as opposed to my own schemas, my own way of living and carnal desires, is because I see the end product. I know I am still very young and so, so inexperienced. But in this day and age, you are exposed to a lot of stuff at any point of time in your life. I was exposed to guns, swords and death when I was 6, through Chinese/Japanese cartoons. Sex was something I discovered on TV when I was 10. Hate was something I harboured when I was 11. All these terrible things surfaced when I was at such a young age...but as I delved into the Bible more and more, what Jesus says in John 10:10 is true. The devil comes to kill, steal and destroy. But Jesus came to give us life, and life to the full. What is promised is no lie to us. There is no dilution of the riches of life that Jesus promised. When people think "meh, religion is sacrifice to no avail", the reason we DON'T "sin" or do what God considers as sin and unholy, is because that will eventually lead into a habit, with the habit leading to lifestyle, lifestyle leading to fate. That means our destiny...what we think is small and inconsequential will lead us into doing it more often...until it becomes that addiction, which requires; no, DEMANDS us to sacrifice parts of ourselves, like supposedly easy, moral choices. Revenge, drinking whilst driving, smoking without thought, wearing clothes a bit short than it could be, playing games that plant and sow sinful messages and images into our minds...even what we watch and listen to.

This year, I learnt that obedience carries a heavier weight than what I used to know or believe...that sin becomes easier and more ecstatic, much briefer than you would want, when you give Satan that foothold in your life. Yet, obedience is an active and passive way of living, since we honour our God by offering everything we have to Him, because it is what He deserves, since He IS the creator of the universe and everyone I know, knitting us all so intricately in our social niches, academic situations or even sports teams. Furthermore, He is so much more worthy of our praise, and I sometimes wonder why I am not just bursting out with praise and dance, right there and then in the middle of the office...(reason is simply because I want them to not be freaked out, and I haven't felt convicted to by the Holy Spirit, so meh.) Worship is a natural reflex and response to how great He is...

A song has ultimately summed this up for me. "This is our God". It's a slow and sombre song, yet...what they sing is so amazing. The title of the song is "This is our God." You expect the song to elaborate on exactly who our God is...yet, from the sombre tone of the song, till the build up and crashing climax that claims these words, which portray in no ambiguous way why I worship God.

"Freely You gave it all for us,
Surrendered your life upon the cross.
Great is the love poured out for us
This is our God.



 Because God is love. That is why I worship Him. Through Jesus, when I pray, or call on His name for help. God is love. He is wrath, He is majestic, ubiquitous, omnipotent, without equal in any respect, compassionate, stern, unmoving, disciplinary, punishing, just, angry...but above all, He displayed His love for us, through Jesus. Freely, He gave.Because I can't pay Him back for just what He's done for us.

This is our God. Our God of wonders.

V

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