Ever learning. Always failing. Forever weak. Yet eternally saved. From a price to pay. Which I could and can not afford. Learning to live life. Learning to love life. Growing into shoes larger than my own. Finding meaning in Your name. Love and peace.
So, I guess if you haven't heard yet...I am officially attached. I have a girlfriend. Yay. Woop woop. Let's all giggle for a bit. Very exciting.
Yet, the feeling of becoming "attached" didn't wash over me with waves, floods or even trickles of excitement. Rather, a looming responsibility stood patiently besides me. I'm notorious for leaving things unfinished, regardless of how well I started out. This rather tall figure, made up of all the individual projects and academia that I was supposed to have finished, stood by and waited until I confronted it.
The world tells us that being in a relationship is the happiest thing that can happen. The philisophic paradigm known as "romanticism" that moved throughout the 18th and 19th century gave birth to countless tales of heroism, nobility, sacrifice, risk and going through periods of difficulty, in order to achieve this utopian position with another person. Romance is primarily based on the aesthetic experiences...touch, smell, sight, sound and taste. Romance is supposed to be the peak of all of our senses...and for that, we would do anything. We will betray the closest people to us, in order to become "one" with another. We would hurt another person's feelings, in order to fulfil our own desires. We wil go behind someone's back, if we are in love with another person, despite being currently attached to that person whom you're scheming behind.
Romance is all about us. And that's the mistake I've made in the past and nearly made here.
One thing that has been taught so many times over is to look from His perspective. We are His children, yet we so easily crumble when faced with difficulty, or with something beyond our understanding. Yet, you hold this situation or problem besides Him who is Mighty To Save, the one who created heaven and earth and knows all mysteries, binding creation and afterlife together in a divine plan beyond human logic and understanding and see if it's too hard to solve? When you look through HIS eyes...you don't need to beat yourself over and over to see that although it may not make sense now, we must obey what He wants, in order to get the best results, even if they bring hurt or it is not in line with our desires.
Luke 14 tells us about how the first will be last and the last shall be first in God's kingdom. Yet, Jesus goes even FURTHER in verses 25-34 to illustrate the extent of our obedience. Luke 14, in short, tells us to forsake our reputation, our resources, our family, our fear of our own safety and our business and work.
That's a lot to give up.
Yet why is this even relevant?
My girlfriend is very interesting indeed. I have known her for 3 years, since she first came to Manchester to study. We were on a hi-and-bye relationship. Pretty friendly. Light, without burden. Superficial. I guess we started to get to know each other around NEEC time...Just one phone call was all it took. Starting to learn more about each other. What's your favourite colour (her's is black, by the way...) and other things. So we chatted. And from there on, we wanted to spend time with each other.
I don't regret any of the time we spent together, because I loved it, even if it was bordering on the verge of emotional binging. However...it's just starting a heavy task. A long road, that IS winding...that WILL go steep, where we will not be able to see into, regardless of how well we perceive to know the other person.
It sounds quite ominous, quite depressing, right? But the one thing I've learned and will adhere to, till my death bed, which I would advise any other young couple starting out, is this.
Honour your partner as a sibling in Christ.
As much as you may "love" this person, it doesn't mean they are exempt from God's holy laws. Yes, you might want to spend more time with them, be naturally inclined to think of them frequently. But that DOESN'T mean you can touch them wherever you want. It DOESN'T mean you can blow off your ministry, your church, your family for this one person. You want to LOVE this person not by the WORLD'S standards (self-composed, by the way!), but by GOD'S standards.
Love your neighbour as yourself.
So, I will still proclaim Jesus and the hope that He brings, without ever worrying about my reputation. I will continue to commit my resources to the Lord, blessing whoever He wants me to. I will continue to be completely, madly and bonkered-ly in love, with this MAD, HUGE, INCOMPREHENSIBLE GOD...and I will continue to honour my girlfriend. It means not taking her for granted. Protecting her sexuality. Treating her with respect and trusting her. Praying with her. Encouraging her by CHRIST'S authority, not just some weasly, meek, self-imposed "You're worth it!". God tells me that when you are in a relationship, you shouldn't forsake the cost of being a disciple. Not that much changes. In fact, you have an advantage, because it is now TWO heads thinking and praying together, instead of just one. Ultimately, I must still love her like I love her as a sister in Christ, regardless of my emotional attachment. Forgiveness when she has clearly done something wrong, and outright humility, on my hands and feet when I have held a grudge against her. Jesus is still head of all and connects each of us to each other. Even if it hurts not to hang out too late at night, or to spend TOO much time together, excessive physical contact, what we are allowed to wear, say, or do...all these compromised standards (which should be drawn directly from the Bible!) will ultimately help us run the race further.
So, that is how I will live and sustain this relationship. As a disciple, this will be an amazing testimony to the world, those in and of it. By HONOURING her in all I do.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
「€Œ 7:04 am 」 » 
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