V - the story of: November update.
Monday, November 26, 2007

« November update. »

Uni work has taken up all the appointments in my life book. It's been a long past couple of weeks. Independent research essay, physio rehab, getting a new laptop,being jobless here and there...

Last Sunday, the worship band (on the day, it was me, Matt, Andy, Ste, Chris, Karen and Tim) went to Barnsley. Matt volunteered us to play for his parents church which they planted. What was interesting...was that this church hasn't had live worship for a long time. Their only musician left over technical difficulties that couldn't be compromised...However, the church's heart of worship was still evident. They tried to do CD worships and sometimes, without any instruments except for percussion, such as the tambourines, shaky things that make noise because of the beads inside them and all that stuff. They would sing, regardless of key, and just sing together. I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived at the front doors of the church, as I was unloading the drums.

They were God's children alright. And they were hungry to praise His name. There were fewer than the maximum seating capacity...but it didn't sound like that. It was quite an old congregation, the average age about 50/60 years old. I just closed my eyes...and prayed that my faith would be answered; that they would respond to God, and I just did my job, as He wanted. The first song was Blessed Be Your Name. God really spoke to me about this song...despite it being a boring chord cycle and the words sometimes repetitive...the meaning was oh so clear. Romans 8:34-39 came alive to me recently...how, no matter how crap we feel...God never abandons us. His love can't be separated, despite how much we hate Him or when we sin, messing up a lifetime over; He loves us the same, cause it's how He is (psch...what You like, God? =p) He is the same God today, tomorrow, when we were depressed, when we were sinning and turned away from Him. He never forsake us...and His love was never absent in all times of our lives. That's what that song meant; to praise God no matter what the season, no matter how rugged the storm or how high the hurdle is.

The roof fell off. Their fault. Voices/hearts broke it. Hope they have insurance. It's a nice church as well.

The rest of the session went well, but I'm in a constant battle with myself; my heart of worship has NOTHING to do with how well I perform. If the congregation's heart isn't focused and their joy to worship God and Jesus isn't there...then what good is a guitar when people lose the reason to worship? Truly, it's only God who does the hard work. Only Him. He'll move mountains, tear down walls in hearts and open eyes.

That session was such a blessing. We went to another church, together and blessed another congregation by playing music to the best of our abilities; God moved that day. Yes, music does cause us to be passionate because of a whole number of things, but the thing that allows us to feel even more passionate, is when we tunnel our vision on Jesus...and how we are allowed to sing these songs to Father God, because Jesus makes us holy...He allows us to enter God's holy presence...we played to the best of our abilities, and the congregation were allowed to express themselves even more because their was music; direction in terms of key and the praise we wanted to sing, such as asking for the Holy Spirit to fall down from the lyrics of Consuming Fire, or declaring that we will live in awe of Him, because He is God alone, from the lyrics of Till I See You.

There was that...recently, I attended my first session of rehabilitation. The class I go to is called the ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) session...for people just like me. It was a massive comfort to see other faces there who were in the same position as me. The physio is called Leanne (I think that's how you spell it...) She told me it's possible to get back to full functioning, without surgery. Ibi's pastor had a prophesy a while back...he said "the guy who's ligament is torn...you're gonna be fine." I guess God doesn't lie...

Yet, people are constantly nagging and pushing, reminding, sliding in warnings between breaths to "be careful. you don't want to do anything to yourself." And I shrug it off. They don't know the limit of my body. I can "handle" it...or at least some of it. Yet I've discovered how to endanger yourself further than sustaining an injury, against all previous warning. I hurt my ankle when playing in Leeds. By momentarily thinking I was Bruce Lee at the peak of my game. I don't know if it's a simple sprain or damaged muscle.

Yet you are so temperamental, so fragile.
You don't give me warning,
and the slightest nick could prove
harmful in the foreseeable future,
masking my endeavor with a veil,
this veil I can't look past because it hurts so much.
I aim to hit my target, connecting foot with ball,
and all I have to show for it are purple and blue hinderances.

I am wary of other people; their silhouettes
Flicker at the front of my mind
And the back of my eyes.
Feet conscious, scanning the field,
Position
Then dart into the space
Pinning your place
And striking with clinical precision.

Yet, you constantly hold me back.
You prevent me from exploring my limits
Without consequence.

I am wary of other people; their silhouettes
Flicker at the front of my mind
And the back of my eyes.

Yet the most dangerous one is
Me.

V

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