V - the story of: abstinence
Friday, November 02, 2007

« abstinence »

ab·sti·nence

n.
1. The act or practice of refraining from indulging an appetite, as for food.
2. Abstention from alcoholic beverages.

Well, it seems that this is the way for me and my leg. Perhaps I am abstaining from football. I choose to stay away from football.

I'm a liar.

"Have you lost any sleep over your knee?" - multiple physios
"No", I said, quickly, everytime.

But last night...it finally struck home. My posterior cruciate ligament, which is actually rare to damage, is fully torn. It will never be the same again. I've destroyed a part of my body. What's more, someone has said that "Surgery to repair the Posterior Cruciate ligament is controversial due to its placement and technical difficulty."

All those times Dad said "aiya...don't play too hard, you'll end up hurting yourself." Discarded, like whispers in the wind. But what happens when you discard words from the wise? You end up learning the hard way.

Forget not being able to play football for six months. I have destroyed a vital muscle in my knee...that will never grow back again. I'll never be able to run without care or jump up and down for joy again, without surgery...either way. My ligament is destroyed.

God, you do the impossible...could you spare me some of your healing powers, if I reached out, Jesus and touched you, would my faith restore that? Or am I to go through life impaired because of my exuberance and carelessness...

Yet as I came home to a pair of bubbly housemates, the situation lifted. What you have in store for me, invisible God, I don't know...but what my housemate said was "Who made you? Who can fix you?"

I have no other hope than You...but I don't know what to do. Give me direction, while I abstain from myself and pick up my cross...

v

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